These Words given by A Parent Which Rescued Me when I became a New Parent

"I believe I was just in survival mode for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the reality quickly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good spot. You need assistance. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a larger inability to open up between men, who continue to hold onto harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a display of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a pause - spending a couple of days away, away from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "poor decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can support your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I think my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."